Club Totti

I always feel a little bit envious of people who work in offices. Every day they have have a whole cornucopia of different females to look at.

In my line of work I only get to visit the offices of editors and agents. But it is always a thrill:

“Good morning Jennifer.” I’ll say to the receptionist.

“Good morning Mr. Totti”

“Feel free to call me Seymour”

“Ok Mr. Totti.” Then she gets on the phone; “Hi Christine Mr…. nooo, shh.. I’ll tell you at lunch, Mr Totti is here …” Presently she clicks the phone off. “Christine says the boss is around somewhere but she doesn’t know where, you are to go through anyway”

“Thanks Jennifer.” And off I go. I know the office well and most people know me. But there are lots of females I’d like to know better. Office assistants doing a gap year between school and university, secretaries, managers and even executives. Women whose ages range from about nineteen or twenty right through to late forties. And a good many of them are just gorgeous.

So remember all you nine to fivers, you get to ogle the Jennifers and Christines of this world every single day. Freewheeling perverts like me have to make do with a quick lech only once in a while.

I received this chain letter the other day in which I was told that if I don’t pass it on my bollocks will shrivel up and I’ll never have sex again. Now if I send any kind of chain letter on to any of my friends they will never speak to me again … especially if their bollocks shrivel up as a result of them trashing it instead of sending it on.

But I’m not willing to take the risk of not passing it on and having my bollocks shrivel up so you, gentle readers, are it I’m afraid. But I have made it easy for you. All you have to do is cut and paste this link into an e-mail, send it to all your friends then relax, happy in the knowledge that you have at least provided them with some quality porn so they wont hate you, and taken the necessary steps to protect your own wedding tackle.

ps. I didn’t change anything so if there is any dodgy spelling in there blame the sex fairy!

MESSAGE BEGINS …

SEX

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don’t need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

Read more »

You’re probably wondering why Zeina is all wrapped up what appears to be a curtain or bed sheet. Well Zeina is Indian and Indian ladies happen to look great in large pieces of cloth. In India it would be called a sari and is a respectable item of clothing.

But I still prefer the idea of getting tangled up in large sheets. Especially if I can get tangled up in the same one that Zeina is tangled up in.

She apparently comes from east India. Now there is quite a lot of east India but judging by her skin colour I would suggest well to north of Chennai (formerly Madras). I’ve never been over that side of India but if the girls all look this good then it is high time I did.

I’ve already documented one of my trips to Goa, on the west coast.You can read that here

Baby take off your coat
Baby take off your shoes
Baby take off your dress
(Yes yes yes)
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Isn’t it a wonderful song? It’s been a hit for Joe Cocker and Tom Jones but those versions both sounded too ready for the radio to me. My favourite version is still the original by Randy Newman. His delivery was so deliciously depraved and with an insistant piano lick which, like a nagging erection, was not going anywhere until it was satisfied.

Oliviyah wears quite a few hats in this set. She doesn’t wear much else but I don’t think that will bother you too much. They are very nice hats. Guess what I’d like to put on my head.