Club Totti

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Well I never thought I’d find myself quoting Oprah but in this case I thought it was prudent to do so. According to Oprah, or rather according to Dr Oz who was presumably a guest on her show, if you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years.

It’s true!, it was on Oprah. Here send this link anonymously to your wives and girlfriends: http://www.oprah.com/health/oz/
oz_20070515_350_111.jhtml . I won’t make it an active link, she might get pissed at me sending hundreds of horny porn hunters over there. Just cut and paste the italics.

Now, according to Dr Oz, “…having sex with someone that you care for deeply is one of the ways we achieve that Zen experience that we all crave as human beings. It’s really a spiritual event for folks when they’re with someone they love and they can consummate it with sexual activity.”

And I agree entirely, I care for all my partners deeply. Even the one night stands.

Now this got me thinking. If I apply the threesome+ pleasure ratio that I discussed in The Math of Sex article here, and take myself to the Darling Massage Parlour for happy hour four afternoons a week I could notch up over 400 already. If I then add in casual sex and a liberal sprinkling of bargirls and I could get the total over 600 easily. Thus reducing my age by 18 years. That would make me a very eligible bachelor indeed.

Click on the picture of Dido to see her naked.

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Anybody who remebers my previous post on the mathematics of sex will already know that joining in the fun with all three of these girls would be nine times better than if you were to restrict yourself to just one of them.

Watching this little masturbation orgy might help you get the idea. It really made me want to dive down in there and help them out.

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You know the time,when she’s just got out the shower and she’s got a soft fluffy dressing gown on and a towel wrapped around her head. But underneath them she is all shiny and clean and naked and smelling of lovely soapy things.

It makes me so horny. Got to get her attention before she stars putting her make-up on or all will be lost. Reach out and give that dressing gown a tug. She’s pretending not to notice but I know. I’ll give it a harder tug next time she passes. There, got it this time, and I’m not going to let go. She falls back onto the bed. “Look do you mind” she protests, “I’m trying to … have you moved my hair dryer”

But she wont protest for long then we can have another shower, together all soft and soapy and slippery together. Then I shall give her hair dryer back

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When Hooters first opened their branch in Shanghai some of the wags on the expat circuit suggested it would be better named squeakers because the local lasses tend not to be so well endowed.

I always thought this to be rather unfair. I’ve known some Chinese girls to whom nature had been most generous. What’s more they were often very firm and well shaped.

But China is a vast country and there is no single shape you can call typically Chinese. In the north the girls are lighter skinned, tall and willowy. Like Zhang here. Many Chinese men say these are the most beautiful women in all of China.

I love them all, wherever they come from. And I really don’t mind if they have small or big boobs.

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I always feel a little bit envious of people who work in offices. Every day they have have a whole cornucopia of different females to look at.

In my line of work I only get to visit the offices of editors and agents. But it is always a thrill:

“Good morning Jennifer.” I’ll say to the receptionist.

“Good morning Mr. Totti”

“Feel free to call me Seymour”

“Ok Mr. Totti.” Then she gets on the phone; “Hi Christine Mr…. nooo, shh.. I’ll tell you at lunch, Mr Totti is here …” Presently she clicks the phone off. “Christine says the boss is around somewhere but she doesn’t know where, you are to go through anyway”

“Thanks Jennifer.” And off I go. I know the office well and most people know me. But there are lots of females I’d like to know better. Office assistants doing a gap year between school and university, secretaries, managers and even executives. Women whose ages range from about nineteen or twenty right through to late forties. And a good many of them are just gorgeous.

So remember all you nine to fivers, you get to ogle the Jennifers and Christines of this world every single day. Freewheeling perverts like me have to make do with a quick lech only once in a while.

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